hi. hey, pheebs, you wanna help? oh, i wish i could, but i don't want to. all right, kids, i gotta get to work. if i don't input those numbers,it doesn't make much of a difference. guess what. -you got a job?-are you kidding? i'm trained for nothing. i figured you thought i wasmonica's geeky older brother.
-i did.-oh. are we still talking about sex? - so, what's new? still a...- a lesbian? well... you never know. ew, ew, ew. - what?- ugly naked guy got a thighmaster. ew. quack, quack...
...quack, quack, quack. ross? that opens my cervix. knock, knock.how are we today? any nausea? - a little.- just a little. - what? he said, "we should do it again." that's good, right? uh, no. loosely translated,"we should do this again," means: "you will never see me naked."
since when? since always. it's, like, dating language. you know, like, "it's not you,"means, "it is you." all right. now we smoke. oh, my god. keep it.- it's not mine. i didn't earn it.if i kept it, it would be like stealing. yeah, but if you spent it,it would be like shopping. - hey, lizzy.- hey, weird girl.
god, he's good. if only he were a woman. yeah. what's going on? nothing. i just think it's nicewhen we're all here together. it's even nicer when everyonegets to wear their underwear. hey, joey. what would you doif you were omnipotent? probably kill myself. excuse me?
hey, if little joey's dead,then i got no reason to live, you know? you know what?i better pass on the game. i think i'm just gonna go home and thinkabout my ex-wife and her lesbian lover. the hell with hockey. let's all do that. ...not worth it. who's fica?why's he getting all my money? rachel? [gasps] oh, my god!
[all shrieking] woman [over pa]:dr. max to center 456. dr. max to center 456. [whooshes] man, can you believe he's only had sexwith one woman? i think it's great. you know, it's sweet. it's romantic. really? no, are you kidding?the guy's a freak. i judge him.
why do you have to break up with her? be a man. just stop calling. what am i doing? what am i doing? my father's right!i can't live on my own. i can't even do laundry! [woman laughs] a brand-new woman,ladies and gentlemen. i could not havedone this without you. okay, um...
uh... more clothes in the dryer? - i'm fine. i'm fine. come on, she's a person.you can do it. could she be more out of my league?ross, back me up. he could never get a womanlike that in a million years. you know... ...monogamy can be a tricky concept. i mean, anthropologically... [all snoring]
come on. seriously,joey, what's the part? [mumbles] you're, you're...what? i'm his butt double, okay? ross, you're so great. blow a bubble. a bubble's good. it's got a, uh, boyish charm.it's impish. here we go. [speaking in italian]
[mimicking paolo] do you know the word crap-weasel? no? that's funny,you are a huge crap-weasel. he is cute. - he's funny. he's...- he's a he? well, yeah. oh, god. i just... bye, nana. [ross yells][monica screams]
ooh, look, look, look.i got monica naked. let me see. no, no. that would be me again. does anybody need coffee? man: yeah, over here.woman: yeah, i do. okay, where am i talking to here?i mean, uh... well, there is one way that seems to offera certain acoustical advantage, but... ooh. you got the bigger half.what did you wish for? the bigger half.
pheebs, i can't believehe hasn't kissed you yet. i mean, god, by my sixth datewith paolo... ...i mean, he had already namedboth my breasts. hi. hi, sorry i'm late. there you are. you got away from me. but you found me. and then the peacock bit me. ha, ha. please kiss me at midnight.
somebody kiss me. it's midnight.somebody kiss me. it's midnight. all right. all right. all right. there. - oh, no. i'm a fabulous mom. i bought my son his first condoms. you broke the code. - what code?- you don't kiss your friend's mom. sisters are okay.maybe a hot-looking aunt. but not a mom. never a mom.
[all shouting] what do you want me to dowith a dozen lasagnas? nice talk, aunt silv. you kiss uncle freddie with that mouth? need a new table. you think? oh great! he knows, but i don`t know! or uncle!
she's distraught. you're there for her. you pick up the pieces,and then you usher in: the age of ross. - yes! - what?- what is it? i'm having a boy. i'm having a boy. hey. [in unison]we already knew that. let me say hi. hey, ma.
listen, i made the appointmentwith dr. bassida and... did you know this isn't ma? all right, we're all adults here. there's only one wayto resolve this. since you saw her boobies... ...i think, uh, you're gonna have toshow her your pee-pee. chandler bing,it's time to see your thing. [rachel shrieks] come on, man, she's needy,she's vulnerable. i'm thinking:
thanks. janice? oh... ...my... ...god. - anything else i should know?- nope. that's it. oh, and she's pregnant with my baby. you'll find someone. i know you will.the right woman is waiting for you. it's easy for you to say.you found one already.
now tell me you want to caress my butt. okay, turn around. in the cab on the way over,steve blazed up a doobie. what? smoked a joint, you know?lit a bone. weed, hemp, ganja. okay, okay, okay. good. now imagine your vagina is opening... ...like a flower.
my cats can't sleep. you don't even have cats. i could have cats. and so i, uh, heh... i just heave it downfield. what are you, crazy?that's a baby. he should take the sack? all:surprise! [the tokens' "lion sleeps tonight"playing on speakers]
everything you hearat a poker game is pure crap. - nice earrings.- thank you. okay, joey, your bet. i fold, like a cheap hookerwho got hit in the stomach... ...by a fat guy with sores on his face. she spent all daytaking care of my monkey. i can't remember the last timei got a girl to take care of my monkey. - oh, my god.- what? something just brushed upagainst my right leg.
- what is it?- oh. oh, it's okay. it was just my left leg. - how many beeps?- she answered. you see, this is where you'd usethat "hello" word we talked about. big day. wow, what a geek.they spent $69.95 on a wonder mop. that's me. this is really becominga weird obsession. this is madness, i tell you.
for the love of god, monica, don't do it! okay, i'm not getting this! i'm totally getting it! you in the back, you're getting it wrong! at least i'm doing it! - hey.- hey. - where have you been?- i just got back from the vet. she's not gonna make you weara big plastic cone, is she? that is so not true.
[both laughing] that is so not... that is so not... that... oh, shut up. ...things happen when they happen. you don't plan these things. - oh. so did you shave your legs?- yeah. uh-huh. you're not a senior? oh, i'm a senior.
in high school. and this has nothing to do with the factthat he needs a note to get out of gym? heh. great. now i'm having a baby. - what?- oh! - no. i'm having... i'm having a baby!- oh. oh! - oh, my god.- i'm having a...! - the phone, the phone!- the phone. i don't have the phone. aah! i want a baby. hmm. not tonight, honey.i got an early day tomorrow.
- uh... uh...- well? dear god. this parachute is a knapsack. i'm only 26. i'm not even thinking about babies yet. [baby cooing] [sobbing] [chandler mimicsstatic crackling] and the response i got! man, oh, man. it was like a ticker-tape parade!
yes i know. as it happens, my roomis very close to the parade route. and i may only have a couple beersin me, but i love you, man. i'm still on my first. i mean, i've never looked at youthat way before. well start looking.
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