brayden olson: hey, my name'sbrayden, and i'm going to the westminster dog show at madisonsquare garden on acid. see you guys tomorrow,or later today. whoa, look at that smoke. jonathan smith: so how manytimes have you tripped acid in your life? brayden olson: zero. jonathan smith: zero times. so today's the first time.
brayden olson: but i'venever been to a dog show, either, so. jonathan smith: soit's two firsts. brayden olson: it's two-- two new things for me today. jonathan smith: there's actuallygoing to be 986 dogs competing today. brayden olson: that'sa lot of digs. jonathan smith: what do youthink it's going to be like,
tripping for the firsttime at the biggest dog show in the world? brayden olson: i think it wouldbe fun to go there not on acid, so on acid it'sprobably gonna be amazing. jonathan smith: yeah. it's gonna be way better. brayden olson: yeah. i'm gonna try and finddogs with good vibes. fluffy dogs.
nice dogs. i'm kind of scared ofseeing a greyhound. jonathan smith: what are yourthree favorite dog names? brayden olson: i'm not reallyfor naming animals. jonathan smith: not at all? brayden olson: no, not really. jonathan smith: how areyou feeling right now? brayden olson: feel good. jonathan smith: yeah?
jonathan smith: youseeing anything? is it-- have butterflies in yourstomach or anything? brayden olson: no. i feel totally, like, relaxed. it's like there's a lot offucking birds out here. there's actually no birdsaround at all. brayden olson: there'sbirds over there. there's birds on that thing.
there's birds on that roof. they're all making noise. [laughs] on the roof, i heard a lot ofbirds chirping like crazy. things slowly startedgetting confusing. it heightens your senses. you can hear, like, soundsfrom really far away. and things that aren'tnecessarily really interesting are just extremelyinteresting.
jonathan smith: let's go. let's do this. brayden olson: we got into acar, which i was not excited about, after we left the roof. taking acid in new york is alittle bit crazier than taking acid, let's say, like on a lakeor in the woods, which i would prefer. there's nowhere to go anywherein new york where there's no one at, especially at madisonsquare garden.
you're stuck there. so you have to enjoy it. when we got there, we hadabsolutely no idea what we were going to do. that dog is crazy. oh my god. it was sort of freeing to justbe that dumb and to just take everything in and belike, it's ok. i know that i'm on drugs.
i was just very aware of wherei was at and the types of people that i couldgo and talk to. we're here at the 136thwestminster dog show. and we're going to talk toclyde barry, who's a very well-known dog owner. excuse me. would you mind--? jeff brucker: one--one second, gary. brayden olson: sorry,what was your name?
jeff brucker: jeff brucker. brayden olson: jeff-- oh, ithought you were someone else. jeff brucker: no. i'm not. brayden olson: i'm sorry. wasn't him. i definitely took advantage ofthe press pass, because you could-- basically, you had freerein on the whole place to do whatever i wanted,'cause we had a camera.
so people would talk to you. you were like validated. it was pretty empowering. brayden olson: these twoladies know more about dogs than i do. first of all, do you both-- do you both-- female speaker 1: breed. brayden olson: do youboth breed dogs?
female speaker 1:we both breed-- brayden olson: areyou both doggers? female speaker 2: yes. female speaker 1: we'reboth dog people. brayden olson: is that a term? doggers? female speaker 1: no. dog people. brayden olson: dog people.
the lighting's reallynice in here. female speaker 3: yes. brayden olson: makes itnice to take photos. and the colors. are you here justto see the dogs? dog handler: no,i'm a handler. brayden olson: oh, you are? you're definitely the prettiest girl at the dog show.
dog handler: oh, thank you. thanks. brayden olson narrating: ireally liked the older man who told me the joke about how womenat cat shows are fatter. male speaker 1: you know, thedifference between a dog show and a cat show is that at a catshow, the women are really heavy, because you don'thave to run the cats. and at a dog show, peopleare a lot slimmer. so i've come to the conclusion,dog shows are
healthier than cat shows. [blows in mic] brayden olson: there wasn'treally press walking around and just asking peoplequestions, so they probably thought i was likereally official. so i felt like i could go upto anyone and just sort of play with their head and justdo whatever i wanted. can i ask you a few questionsabout the show? female speaker 4: sure.
brayden olson: just aboutwhat your name, and-- female speaker 4: ok. brayden olson: is shewearing a diaper? female speaker 5: she'swearing, um, a panty. brayden olson: a panty. female speaker 5: yeah. she's-- time of the month. brayden olson: that'sa little sexier. brayden olson: i didn't knowdogs had a time of the month.
female speaker 5: they do. about every six months. brayden olson: i didn'tknow that. female speaker 5: yep. brayden olson: that's likea time of the year. female speaker 5: timeof the year. yes. there you go. brayden olson: what'syour name?
matt stander: matt. matt stander. brayden olson: andyou are you with? matt stander: dog news. brayden olson: dog news. um, i don't know much aboutdog news, but if you could tell us a little bit aboutwhat you guys do-- matt stander: it's a verticalpublication for the show-going public.
it's been printed weeklyfor the last 28 years. brayden olson: wow. ok. that's about it. matt stander: that do it? thank you. i started to get more and moreconfused as it started taking effect more. male speaker 2: well,it depends.
some years, sometimesthey'll go for-- brayden olson: there was a pointwhere i was just, like, holding a microphone and had noidea what they were saying. like i could see them talking. i could hear it. but none of it made sense. there was this fan there. i think it was coming from thetop, but it was just, like, blowing my face.
[wind in microphone] brayden olson: it'spretty good. i actually don'twant to leave. you guys-- are we leaving? brayden olson: i rememberthinking it felt like i was in a desert and there was,like, sand whipping around me and stuff. and it was one of the bestfeelings, and i was trying to do interviews in it.
it was so horrible. female speaker 6: today weshowed black russian terriers, norfolk terriers, brittanys,vizslas, goldens, and labradors. brayden olson: oh my god. [applause] brayden olson: i justwalked around and ended up in the bleachers. i was kind of alone,but like, there was
tons of people around. so i kind of spaced outfor a while, and that was really nice. i was tripping the hardestprobably when i was sitting in the bleachers by myself. the ceiling had all these crazylights, and i remember kind of tripping out, lookingat the lights. and it just felt reallygood and comforting. i like your shirt.
male speaker 3: thank you. brayden olson: it'sa good one. i came away with a newappreciation for dog owners. they're very seriousabout their dogs. it's like their child. and it's their life. that's what they live for. what's your favorite thingabout this dog? female speaker 7: everything.
brayden olson: everything? no. you have to pick one thing. female speaker 7: one thing? his-- his personality. brayden olson: yeah? he's a sweet dog? female speaker 7: he'san excellent dog. this is what he loves to do.
brayden olson: hey. female speaker 7: he's sayinghe loves to show. brayden olson: i like dogs, butnot like on that level. so. i remember tripping,but it's weird. i don't remember a lot of it. i just remember bitsand pieces and being really confused. i didn't really have visuals.
like things were a littlebrighter and stuff, but there wasn't-- like dogs weren't likeflying through the air. which is what-- i kind of hoped thatwould happen. but i kind of-- i'm glad it didn't, 'cause iprobably would've really freaked out. the cool thing is, i neverhad a bad experience. i was kind of scared that iwas gonna freak out, but i
didn't at all. i had, like, an amazing time. definitely a overall goodexperience on acid. sorry, mom. we did like 10 takes of tryingto like walk out the door. and i just rememberit was so hard. jonathan smith: come on, dude. come on! oh, jesus christ.
brayden olson: i was sort ofscared that i wasn't gonna leave, though, at a point. i was like, am i gonnabe like this forever?
0 Comment
Write markup in comments