>> seã‘or grinch: freaking christmas, so stupid. >> narrator: he's a lonely green man with nothing to lose. who puffs on [bleep] cigarets and sips on [bleep] booze. this green son of a [bleep] is repulsive and sick, there's no other way to put it, he's just acts like a dick. >> seã‘or grinch: is this guy serious? this is what you get, you little [bleep]! he shoots! and he scores! ha-ha-ha-ha. [bleep] christmas!
>> narrator: now we mustn't forget he was always this way, but it really sucks being different in our cruel world today. you almost can't blame him for being so mean, he often gets profiled for driving while green. >> seã‘or grinch: good day officer. how are you?>> cop: shut the [bleep] up. >> seã‘or grinch: okay.>> cop: license and registration. >> seã‘or grinch: uh, it's just that my license is in there.>> cop: what is that? >> seã‘or grinch: what is what?>> cop: is that a weapon? >> seã‘or grinch: it's a banana.>> cop: put that down. >> cop: put it down.>> seã‘or grinch: it's a banana. >> cop: oh, that's what you're going to call it?>> seã‘or grinch: look at it, it's just a banana.
>> cop: you want to point that at me? >> seã‘or grinch: okay, okay, okay!>> cop: i'm requesting back-up, suspect is armed, immediate back-up at the green, the scene. >> seã‘or grinch: please listen, i did not do anything wrong. >> cop: officer down! i've been assaulted! >> seã‘or grinch: what the [bleep] are you... >> cop: get the [bleep] out of the car, you piece of [bleep]. get out of the car. get out, get out.>> seã‘or grinch: okay, okay, okay! >> narrator: one time he tried to be social and he said with a smile, "man i can't wait to meet some [bleep], i haven't had sex in a while." >> seã‘or grinch: what's up guys? how are you? >> bouncer: hey, woah, woah, woah. what's up man?
>> seã‘or grinch: bro, what the [bleep]? >> narrator: the bouncer stopped for a moment and saw the color of his skin and said, "sorry my brother, but i can't let you in." >> seã‘or grinch: why the hell not? >> bouncer: look at the sign. >> seã‘or grinch: are you serious? >> bouncer: no green people bro. >> seã‘or grinch: really? i saw kermit the frog in here last week. >> bouncer: yeah, but he's light green. >> seã‘or grinch: what about shrek? shrek's in here all the [bleep] time.
>> bouncer: bro, that's shrek. shrek's popping man, he's got like 4 movies and [bleep]. >> bouncer 2: i love shrek. >> seã‘or grinch: i'm going in. [bleep] this [bleep]. >> bouncer: yo, yo, yo, you know what, get this avocado face out of here man. >> seã‘or grinch: what the [bleep] did you call me bro? >> bouncer: hop away you little [bleep] frog. >> seã‘or grinch: you guys are racist! >> narrator: so he sat there and planned a wicked scheme out of spite and said, "i'm sick of this [bleep], i'm stealing christmas tonight." so he dressed up as santa without help from an elf, but before he stole christmas, he met the old man himself.
>> santa: what's up [bleep]? >> seã‘or grinch: are you santa claus? >> santa: what the [bleep] it look like? huh? >> seã‘or grinch: oh [bleep], hi. >> santa: so what the [bleep] you doing? >> seã‘or grinch: to be honest, i'm trying to look like you. >> santa: you trying to look like me? >> seã‘or grinch: i mean...i-i-i...
>> santa: do you know how hard it is to be me? >> seã‘or grinch: i bet it is. >> santa: giving presents to 8 billion people. oh, you think that [bleep] easy, huh? you think i give a [bleep] about... you think i give a [bleep] about timmy? >> seã‘or grinch: um...>> santa: [bleep] timmy. >> santa: he ain't getting no gifts this year and that [bleep] was nice. >> seã‘or grinch: i honestly, i didn't know it was that bad. >> santa: i gotta deal with mrs. claus, that fat [bleep]. i tell her to get on the treadmill, but she doesn't listen. >> seã‘or grinch: jesus christ.>> santa: i gotta deal with rudolph trying to [bleep] prancer.
>> seã‘or grinch: i thought you were like a happy fat guy. i didn't know you were a skinny black guy. >> santa: what the [bleep] are you doing anyway? >> seã‘or grinch: to be honest bro, i'm doing the opposite of what you're doing. i wanna steal everybody's [bleep]. >> santa: oh, that's all you baby, go ahead. >> santa: you good.>> seã‘or grinch: you're okay with this? >> santa: [bleep] what the [bleep] did i just say? get the [bleep]...let me sit back. >> seã‘or grinch: i'm gonna steal everybody's presents. >> santa: do what you do baby. >> seã‘or grinch: okay, peace.
>> santa: if you got any green [bleep] throw them my way. >> seã‘or grinch: you're a mean one seã±or grinch. you take presents, and cookies, and milk with a little bit of tequila. you vandalize the city. you make everyone feel [bleep] seã±or grinch. you make hitler look like a pretty nice guy. you're a douchebag seã±or grinch. you use plastic and then you don't recycle it. you steal candy, you steal cake, you draw mustaches on drake seã±or grinch. you make voldemort, the joker, hannibal lecter, scar from the lion king, pablo escobar, darth vader all look like really nice guys. [bleep].
who the hell are you guys? >> timmy: i'm timmy. >> seã‘or grinch: and what's your name? >> cindy: i'm cindy and i'm 7... >> seã‘or grinch: okay, okay. i don't give a [bleep]. what the hell are you guys wearing? you look ridiculous. >> timmy: why are you taking our christmas tree? >> seã‘or grinch: the light is broken, so i need to take it back to the north pole and i need to, you know, don't [bleep] worry about it. why are you asking me questions? what are you guys? fbi? cia? [bleep] you. >> timmy: how about a glass of milk? >> seã‘or grinch: alright. you want a drink? i'll get you a drink.
there you go, some fresh tequila...uh, milk. here. okay, drink all of that. it's good for you now. it makes you strong. >> seã‘or grinch: it's good stuff.>> cindy: timmy? >> seã‘or grinch: uh, i gotta go. merry christmas. >> narrator: seã±or grinch went back home. he pulled out his green chair and he awaited confusion and sadness in the air. he said as he poured some tequila in his cup, "i can not wait for these little douchebags to wake up." >> seã‘or grinch: oh here they go, here they go. here we go baby. that's right. that's right.
no presents. [evil laugh] >> narrator: but then something happened, something very strange indeed. >> seã‘or grinch: what the [bleep]? >> narrator: the little douchebags were not sad, but rather jumping with glee. >> seã‘or grinch: why aren't they freaking out? >> narrator: at that moment he realized, it's not about presents or drake. maybe stealing christmas was after all a mistake. >> seã‘or grinch: holy [bleep], what the [bleep] have i done? i took all of this stuff, now i feel dumb.
i thought they would be mad, but instead they're doing the dab. i took their phones and macbooks airs, but i guess they just don't care. i have no friends. i have no chick. i have no one to touch my lollipop. so confused down to my core. i guess that christmas means much more. i'm such a dick. i'm such a dick. i can't believe that i stole these gifts. it makes me feel so sick. from all their pain, i thought i'd really get a kick. it's not my fault that santa claus is such a freaking prick. whatever i want to change my ways because i am such a dick. >> cop: i have a 4-59 in progress. requesting back-up. >> narrator: at that point, he was [bleep] out of luck, there was nothing that he could say other than the word... >> seã‘or grinch: [bleep].
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