dumbledore: welcome, everyone to hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft, a place i assure you is safe for children, and has absolutely no history that might threaten our entire existence. but there is a huge killer snake downstairs. and a giant, vicious three headed dog...and a tree that can kill you... and man-sized spiders that can eat your face... and-- mcgonagall: thank you, professordumbledore! that will be all. as he was saying, welcome to--
hermione: these candles are dripping wax everywhere! (indistinct screams) how harry potter should have ended (door opens) that time-turner's fantastic, hermione! you should keep it forever. hermione: alright. harry: no, really! it's too valuable!you have to promise to keep it. hermione: okay! i promise!
harry: hermione, something mightconveniently destroy all the time-turners, making that the last one!you have to promise to keep it! hermione: i promise i won't get rid of it! ron: what the bloody hell are you two talking about? (epic musical score) (energy colliding) voldemort: i'm going to kill you, harry potter! i'm pointing my wand as hard as i can! harry: what's it going to take, tom?
you tried to kill me once as a baby and it didn't work! voldemort: i'm going to destroy you! harry: we've been here, like, four or five times already, and i just came back from the dead! voldemort: lalalala! not listening! too busy about to kill you! harry: you are insane! and nowwe're about to kill your pet snake!
neville (slow motion): i'm awesome!!! harry: it's over! voldemort: it's never over! avada kedav--ugh! (vocalizing) snape: ugh. muggle weapons. harry: professor snape, you're alive! snape: of course i'm alive, you twit! harry: but how? you died right in
front of us! snape: magic! duh! i'm a potions master and a double agent. obviously i had a backup plan. i've been drinking honey badger anti-venom ever since i started hanging around that ridiculous snake. neville & seamus: whoa... luna: honey badger just takes what it wants. snape: and i think we've already established
that i can heal bleeding injuries. now, mr. potter, if you will bring me your invisiblity cloak and ms. granger's time-turner, there is one more thing i must do. (music) hermione: professor, you realize if you do this, you can't come back. snape: i am well aware of the risk and
consequence, ms. granger. ron: you're gonna have to turn that thing at least 200,000 times, sir. snape: then you'd best not makeme lose count, eh, mr. weasley? ron: no, sir. harry: good luck, sir. snape: goodbye, children. one...two...three...
four...five...six... 262,029...262,030...262,031...got it! got it! riddle: i can make animals do what i want without training them. i can make bad things happen to people. if i want. i can-- snape: avada kedavra! (riddle groans) dumbledore: what the--
snape: ha ha ha! dumbledore: what is this? snape: take that, you dark lord! ha ha ha! dumbledore: why would you do that? snape: evidence...removal. (snape pants) dumbledore: who are you? snape: oh...sorry about that...just, uh... saving your life...in the future.
as well as...countless others. it's a long story. (harmonious end music) snape: no, i mean a really long story. like, so long, if we wrote it all down it would take at least seven books. dumbledore: or eight movies! (end music continues) dumbledore: i'd like to introduce our
new teacher for defense against the dark arts, professor gandalf. gandalf: you...shall not...pass! dumbledore: well, that's a little harsh... classes haven't even started yet. (music ends) captioned by evan reynolds
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